Zen and the Art of Mushroom Cultivation : An Inquiry into Morels

[Christopher Stewart]

(« Morel in eastern West Virginia » by Gzirk)

once, there was a guy named Gus. and although Gus was without a passion, Gus's head liked to think that Gus was a passionate guy. Gus's head also liked to think that it was bright. in fact, Gus's head just liked to think.

through apparently fortuitous circumstances, Gus was lonely most of the time. often, during that time, mostly because it just liked to think, Gus's head would think. and often, sadly, during that time, Gus's head would think that Gus was lonely most of the time. and often, sadly, mostly because it liked to think that Gus was a passionate guy, Gus's head would think that Gus was lonely most of the time, and do so with a passion. and, at those times, Gus's heart, which was infinitely wiser than Gus's head, and knew that Gus was never really alone, would thus prompt Gus to feel sad, and often, do so with a passion, so as to discourage Gus's head to keep on thinking those thoughts. but Gus's head, which all things considered was indeed bright, though not that bright, just kept on thinking those thoughts, mostly because it just liked to think. Gus's head also kept on thinking that it was bright.

Gus lived in a town where other people lived too. and the other people living in Gus's town liked to talk about Gus. in fact, the other people living in Gus's town just liked to talk. sometimes, some of them would even talk about the fact that, most of the time, most of them were passionate about talking.

through apparently fortuitous circumstances, when he was not around, which meant most of the time, sadly, and mostly because they just liked to talk, when the people would talk about Gus, they would refer to Gus as sad Gus. and often, during that time, sadly, the people would talk about how sad Gus was sad and lonely. sometimes, some of them would even talk about how, most of the time, sad Gus was sad and was without a passion. and as a consequence, sadly, most of the time, most of the other people living in Gus's town were not inclined to spend time with sad Gus.

once, through apparently fortuitous circumstances involving accidental food poisoning, Gus's head, mostly because it just liked to think, thought it would be a good idea to think more about mushrooms. and, mostly because it liked to think that Gus was a passionate guy, Gus's head thought it would be a good idea to think more about mushrooms, and do so with a passion. and, at that time, Gus's heart, which was infinitely wiser than Gus's head, and knew that what Gus really needed was to have some fun, some of the time, seized the moment and prompted Gus to feel passionate about the prospect of cultivating his own morels. Gus's head, which all things considered was indeed bright, though not that bright, just thought it just had had another good idea, mostly because it just liked to think. and, mostly because it liked to think that Gus was a passionate guy, Gus's head thought it would be a good idea for Gus to cultivate his own morels, and do so with a passion.

thus, Gus started cultivating his own morels. Gus's head quickly realized that Gus had great fun cultivating morels, and that Gus could do so with a passion. Gus's head also realized that by cultivating his own morels, Gus cultivated his own morale. and thus, often, happily, during that time, mostly because it just liked to think, Gus's head would think that it was a good idea for Gus to keep on cultivating his own morels. and thus, often, happily, mostly because it liked to think that Gus was a passionate guy, Gus's head thought it would be a good idea for Gus to keep on cultivating his own morels, and do so with a passion. and, at those times, Gus's heart, which was infinitely wiser than Gus's head, and knew that what Gus really needed was to have some fun, some of the time, would thus prompt Gus to feel happy, so as to encourage Gus's head to keep on thinking those thoughts. and thus Gus's head, which all things considered was indeed bright, though not that bright, just kept on thinking those thoughts, mostly because it just liked to think. Gus's head also kept on thinking that it was bright.

thus, through apparently fortuitous circumstances, happily, and mostly because they just liked to talk, when the other people living in Gus's town would talk about Gus, they would talk about his morels, and his morale, and refer to Gus as fun Gus. and often, during that time, happily, the people would talk about how fun Gus was fun and fun to be with. sometimes, some of them would even talk about how, most of the time, fun Gus was happy and was passionate about his morels. and as a consequence, happily, most of the time, most of the people living in Gus's town were inclined to spend time with fun Gus.

and thus, through apparently fortuitous circumstances, happily, most of the time, out of sad Gus's passionate feeling for growing fungus grows fun Gus with a passion.

and thus it is said that absence makes the heart grow fungus.

(well, it is mostly the other people living in Gus's town who like to say so. they also like to say that Gus's head thinks so too. sometimes, some of them even say that it possibly does so because it just likes to think, and do so with a passion. but you know them, they just like to talk. in fact, if that saying actually holds true, it must only do so in Gus's heart, as only hearts can hold truth.)